Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
smell my finger.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
