I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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