Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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