umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
