Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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