Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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