You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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