i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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