Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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