She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
