Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
