the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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