as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
