So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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