Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
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I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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