wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
