I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
