Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am one with the molecules
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
