she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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