I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
