Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
