Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize