I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
