it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
