I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize