No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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