come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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