she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
