My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
