I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
