so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
