Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
