There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
