im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
