ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
