Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
