So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
