I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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