is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
