I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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