so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
