In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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