Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
