so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
