chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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