Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
