I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
