he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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