your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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