I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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