Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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