mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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