Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
