At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
