its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
