you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack