So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?