just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry