so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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