this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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