you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
