but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
