I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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