last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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