he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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