I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
