Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
