You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
