If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
