just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
