How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize