Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
