who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
