After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
