remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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