hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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